and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
