While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
