you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
