Christians are straight up FREAKS
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
