i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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