help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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