some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
