Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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