A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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