You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
