We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
