How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
