if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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