Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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