I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
