i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
