that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
