my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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