After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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