Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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