I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
