Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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