Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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