the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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