I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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