so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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