And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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