I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
