I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
