I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
