so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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