too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
