Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
