you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
