I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
