who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
