Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
