You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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