you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
