how can u be prego again
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
