so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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