he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
