When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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