you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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