p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
