Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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