i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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