It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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