I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
