You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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