Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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