If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
