JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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